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It was actually great. After an hour wondering around and failed attempts of any interaction, a gorgeous, beautiful, boho-chic girl in her mid 30s came and sat next to me. I didn't get her name.

Deal was if we kissed for fifteen seconds, the two of them would let us suck their boobs for ten seconds each. I didn't have to reciprocate. I know he won't be my adios prince, and therefore, will make him my knight for a night. In a wave of drunk hookup stories, I realized that I was probably his first one-night stand as well, and that he probably had pretty limited sexual experience. He called me later that afternoon freaking out because he had a 'social' on his wiener that he was sure was a result of our liaison. More so when the guys claim to be straight. When I wake up, I notice that it feels damp and sticky between my legs.

But I think it would have been great if he stayed. I figured she was the kind of girl who had been dating girls since she was 12, who would be assertive in her interest, who could read a map, and who could maybe fix my sink. Officer Thats fine that means he was drunk when he came in and you still served him..

- But, from the very moment she reached to undo my bra, I knew it was doomed to fail.

The Closet Pee Incident The first time my co-worker and I had sex, we were drunk and spent the night at my place. I got up early the next day because my mom had to pick up a few things. Little did I know that in my bedroom, my co-worker had gotten up too, still drunk, and couldn't find the bathroom. I came back to see him peeing on my favorite pair of Converse in my closet. I screamed, and he ran out of my apartment in his boxers. The Snowflake Proposal I found out one of my guy friends at work had no plans for Christmas, so I invited him to join my family. He gave me a snowflake pin and wrote me a poem. I was grateful, but when we got back to work, he was nasty to me. It got so horrible that I transferred departments. The Absent Policeman I started teaching at a high school and connected quickly with a policeman stationed in the building. We acted like teenagers, sneaking away to the boiler room to make out. My students found out and teased me mercilessly. Then I found out he had a live-in girlfriend the whole time. He got angry when I broke it off, and when a fight happened in my classroom, he didn't come to help. The Embarrassing Emails I was fooling around with a guy in my office, and we'd send racy emails with work-related headlines to not be suspicious. When I was let go from the company, I didn't get a chance to delete my emails right away. My mother was tasked with reading them all, just to check and make sure that they were not work related. Its been almost 10 years and I still haven't lived that down. And The Boat Blow Job At my job we sometimes have to work on boats. One night, I was trying to fall asleep in a cabin with four other people, one of whom was my crush and my ex. He was snoring loudly, so I couldn't sleep. The snoring turned into heavy breathing and got faster and heavier. There was also movement coming from his bunk. At one point the heavy breathing stopped, and I heard the girl in another bunk burp. So I had listened to my ex get a blow job, and there was nothing I could do about it.